THE BURN
IS THE
BUSINESS.

Hugh Brix holds a PhD in Applied Conviction, an MBA financed through a misunderstanding, and a sommelier certification that qualifies him to detect notes of blackberry, distressed assets, and impending litigation.

His doctoral thesis demonstrated that a pitch deck left unattended in a sensory-deprivation tank develops into a sentient venture capitalist, provided it has never been exposed to revenue. The goat chaired his defense, ate the methodology, and awarded him tenure.

His MBA capstone replaced the university’s investment committee with a horoscope hotline, then took the planet Mercury private during retrograde. The school now pays him tuition.

Hugh has advised eleven unicorns. Nine were horses. One was a PowerPoint. The eleventh was the goat wearing a party hat. It achieved the highest valuation.

As a sommelier, Hugh pioneered pairing wines with corporate events: a muscular Barolo for hostile takeovers, a fragile Pinot Noir for founder departures, and whatever’s open for payroll.

He began writing The Cash Burne Chronicles after the goat advised him to “diversify into fiction.” Hugh maintains this represented no material change in his professional activities.

He lives wherever the wine cellar is deepest and the extradition arrangements are least developed.

The goat receives 15% of royalties and final approval over tasting notes.